In January, Ish and I found out that I was pregnant with another child due in September. On March 9th, at 12 weeks pregnant, we found out that the baby had died in utero. On March 25th, our son, Gregory Innocent was born sleeping. On Easter Monday, surrounded by family and friends, we had a graveside service for Gregory. He is now buried with his great-grandfather.
Soon after I found out that I was pregnant with Gregory, I started knitting a blanket for him. I didn't get very far before he died. I couldn't bear to finish the entire blanket, but even more so I couldn't bear ripping it out. Last night I finally put a garter border on the blanket and bound off.
When she found out that I had miscarried, a friend lent me her copy of A Call to a Deeper Love. It is the correspondence of St. Therese's parents, Blessed Zélie and Louis Martin. She thought it would bring me comfort, and indeed, it has. Zélie and Louis lost 4 of their children (3 as infants and 1 in early childhood). The way in which Zélie writes about her children and their deaths has brought me so much comfort and a good dose of perspective.
Linking up with Ginny
I am so sorry reading about your loss, little Gregory. I too have lost a child, my first lost happened at 16 weeks pregnant and then another healthy child, very suddenly at 2 months of age. Grieve for your Gregory, hold your children, your husband and heal. You will never forget Gregory, but you will heal. Always keep your beautiful blanket in Gregory’s memory. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. I have always been amazed at the capacity of the human heart to heal.
DeleteMemory eternal for your little Gregory. We lost a baby at about the same time, or rather I miscarried then, three and a half years ago, Rayan had died about a week or two before. I will pray for you. It is a hard road, and a terrible club to belong to. I read something shortly after we lost our baby about always being an expectant mother when you have had a loss. I think of that, even now. We will always be expecting Rayan until the Last Day. Take the time you need for your grief. There is no scale of tragedy, it just is a tragedy. My husband grieved so differently than I did, and in some ways, I was glad that it happened 15 years into our marriage rather than early on, as we understood that the other was grieving, too. I like that you have a memorial blanket. We don't have anything like that, and I may make something now. Maybe a little stocking for St. Nicholas, or an ornament for our Christmas tree.
ReplyDeleteIt may be too much for you to handle, or too early, but there is a beautiful blog dedicated to families who have lost their babies: http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/
May our Lord be with you and our Blessed Mother comfort you with her love.